Rapists' Rights Over Their Children

This is horrifying.

Rep. Sam Ellis was listening to the "Dr. Laura" show when he first heard the awful tale: A young female caller was telling Dr. Laura that she'd been raped by a man and had gotten pregnant as a result.

She had decided not to abort but to put the baby up for adoption.

That's when the rapist took control of her life again.

To complete the adoption, she needed the birth father to terminate his parental rights.

The rapist, in custody awaiting trial, told her that he'd sign the papers -- if she agreed not to testify against him in the rape. As a result, the rapist would certainly be released.

What do I do? the young woman asked. Protect society or protect the adoption?

Dr. Laura advised that the young woman do what was right for the child. She wished her luck and moved on to the next call.

A rapist has rights over his victim's baby??? Not any more in North Carolina, thank goodness.

But Ellis, a Republican who represents Raleigh and Cary, was appalled; he couldn't let it go, in part because he thought the woman's Southern accent sounded familiar.

He called the show to see whether the woman could be tracked down. Dr. Laura was no help. But Ellis decided that, "even if the woman wasn't from North Carolina, the circumstances that created her situation were."

Ellis contacted the legislative staff and had a bill drawn up to prevent rapists from using parental rights as a way to intimidate witnesses.

Finally, during the final days of the recent session, the bill was wrapped up in another and expanded, so that the parental rights of convicted first- and second-degree rapists are automatically terminated. Convicted rapists must now petition the court to regain their parental rights.

"Basically, it reverses things," Ellis said. "Previously, it was the woman who had to spend the money and try to get the paperwork signed. Now the onus is off the victim."

I wish the woman's accent hadn't mattered...this shouldn't be legal anywhere. Why in the heck does a rapist even deserve rights to petition the court to regain parental rights?

Ellis told me about this issue when he first introduced the bill, nearly four years ago. At the time I thought it was intriguing. But it also seemed like a rather rare set of events. How often could it happen? I thought.

After introducing the bill, however, Ellis was contacted by two women, one in Fayetteville and one from Charlotte who was a student at UNC-Chapel Hill at the time. Both had gotten pregnant as a result of a rape -- and had been intimidated by their rapists over parental rights. Both women offered to speak in favor of the bill before a legislative committee. During that session, however, the bill was not taken up.

I talked to one of the women myself. Her name is Lori, and she said she was the victim of an acquaintance rape by a former high school classmate.

When she decided to carry the child to full term, the man she accused threatened not to terminate his parental rights unless Lori agreed not to file charges.

The story of the other woman, from Cumberland County, was identical to the one told on Dr. Laura's show.

They always say that rape is not about sex; it's about power. I'm just glad, in North Carolina, this is one power the rapists no longer have.

Does anybody know how the law reads here in Oregon?

Even if rapists don't have parental rights here, there is still a chance that they can exert some power over their victims. Because of Measure 58 back in 1998, adoptees have the right to see their birth certificates (upon request, if 21 or older). That's probably a good thing in most cases. However, it's conceivable an adoptee would press the birthmother for a rapist father's identity. That might anger a rapist, who could then terrorize his victim again. Women with these and other privacy concerns challenged the legality of Measure 58 and lost.

It is cruel to torture raped women through continued involuntary interraction with their rapists...rapists should have no parental rights. Oregon has made its decision, for better and worse, that an adopted child's right to know is more important than a mother's right to privacy, regardless if it is a rape victim who fears retribution from the man who violated her. Sometimes it seems like women are being abused again for giving birth to the baby a rapist fathered.

Hat tip: Overlawyered

Comments

[Not avail.]

I was raped in NC and the rapist won "Joint" custody. Torment does not come close to describe what I live.
Rapist do have more rights than their victms. The children conceived via rape are the "forgotton victims". Yes, a rapist has rights over the children born from their violent act. My daughter and I live with the rapist in controll of our lives every day. He is allowed to stalk me in the courts now. I was even sued for reporting the rape, yet he was placed on a pedastal. He has millions to shove out to attorneys and I can't afford to pay an attorney for adaquate representation. There is no justice. Freedom is for the ones that can buy it. I was decieved my whole life into believing this lie about rights and freedom. I and this beautiful and innocent child are living proof that freedom is something you have to be able to afford. I am disgusted with the judicial system. They have not only tied and bound me to a rapist, but also the innocent child that was conceived by VIOLENCE! His violence has earned him even more control over my life.

[Devon]

I am outraged to hear about this. I was raped in a foreign country by a turkish man who really beleived I wanted sex. The german government thought I was an american who wanted a free ticket home. Nothing was done to the man who took my pride and self assureness. I am so sorry to all the women who have to suffer through such a tramatic situation. Any man who forces sex on a woman, inpregnates her and is allowed to fight for custody is a bastard. I hope people listen to the women's voices and stories and step up to protect what they lost so violently. To mothers who are raising children as a result to rape. God made men and women strong. To the women who choose to parent children out of rape, they are wonderful women who did not choose to get raped or pregnant... but chose to give life and mold it into something beautiful. My heart is with you and keep your heads up and stay strong. The judicial may be screwed up, but it will work to your advantage soon enough. From my family to yours, we wish you all a happy new year with nothing but happiness and joy.

[jdlee23moc]

How can I terminate the parental rights on an unknown rapist? I was raped and was too afraid to contact police. By the time I got the nerve to I found out that I was pregnant. The rapist was never found and no report was made. I wish to give the baby up for adoption but want a private adoption. How do I terminate the rights of my rapist if I don't know who he is? Does he have any rights to my baby?

[RoguePundit]

State laws vary, but there's generally some sort of legal procedure to terminate the residual parental rights and responsibilities of an unknown, missing, or disinterested father. Adoption advocates should be able to help you with the specifics.

[Stephanie SAwyer]

I was raped in Oct 2003. I knew the man who raped me and didn't file charges agaisn't him. He has nevr been apart of my life since this happened. I found out I was pregant and carried the baby full term. He was told by a friend I was pregant and still never said or did anything. My Son Is now Two years old. He has never been apart of my sons life. I started having CPS problems and He pops up and is currently sueing me for full custody of my son . They did a dna test and ajudicated parentiage on him. I hired an attorney and Because I am having CPS problems and the man who raped me attorney has sapenna CPS to testify there is a very unlikely possibilty that i am going to get to keep my son. This man has money and come from a long line of money we go to court on fri and from the way everything looks he is going to win. We Haven't been able to find anything on him to use agaisnt him in court. So i just wanted to tell you I understand how it feels. Dieing in texas
Stephanie

[Zoompad]

I was raped as well, I was very ill at the time, and the rapist has been taking me to court for 5 years for the right to see his son. He also tried to seduce my 13 year old daughter. He has apologised for what he did in court, now they want me to forgive and forget. I have been threatened with jail.

I am being tormented to death. I just want to die, as I feel so tormented and unhappy, the only thing is that I want to protect my innocent son from this evil bastard.

[fafnir]

My mother was raped and she kept me and raised me and I am now 26yrs old. I am trying to find 2 things. I am trying to put a name to the person that did this so I can give my two children a full madical history and I can have some closure and I am trying to find a group of perhaps other children like me. Until now I thought there would be very few like me but reading all your stories I know there must be a fair few. Can anybody help or give suggestions on how to do either of these 2 things?

[Diane]

I know what it feels like to live everyday in fear. I was raped and became pregnant. I went through so many emotions and didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I should keep the baby or place the baby up for adoption. I decided to keep her. I have a beautiful 1 year old daughter and I wouldn't change that, BUT I live everyday in fear. I was raped by 3 guys and one of them has married my brothers ex-wife, so along with weekend visits I get to hear how I'm using being raped as an excuse because I don't know who my daughters father is. These guys drive by my house, torture my family and the police will not help. The night I was raped I fought to get away. When I did I ran half naked and barefoot through the streets. I saw a police officer and he threatened to arrest me for disorderly conduct. Where is the freedom that americans boast about when you have to be a prisoner in your own life because the justice system has failed you? I've been fortunate that they haven't tried to stake claims to MY daughter, but if they do I will fight to the end.I've decided to arm myself with knowledge. I have returned to school for criminal justice. These guys are all informants and because of that the law protects them. I plan to flip that around one day.

[Sarah]

Wow!He should have gone to jail....I feel bad for the poor girl

[Amanda]

I was raped in March of 2003 by someone I had dated for a short time. I did not report the rape. It would only be his word against mine, and he is an extremely good liar, but that's not the only reason. I had a baby girl, and she is now four. He is taking me back to court to see her and is trying to get me 30 days in jail and pay his attourney fees. I feel helpless because she is MY daughter, she has a real father who is my husband, not the guy who raped me. I don't understand how and why someone who rapes someone has rights to the child! That's sick! They say they want the best for the child, but how is that good in any way for the child? She has a real family already, why take her away from her family so some pathetic self-centered rapist can see her and take claim to her so he can look good? The system is just so wrong! How can I ever get over this? I just keep getting it pushed in my face every day knowing that he has rights to MY daughter and that the law is on his side. I want to protect my daughter from him. She doesn't deserve to have to have contact with a lousy piece of shit like that. Plus I would like to get over this and move on with my life, but I can't. It is killing me. Help me

[Anna]

Amanda,

Same situation here. My parental rights nightmare started today, and I know EXACTLY how you feel! I've had the same question in my head for the last couple weeks..."how does rape somehow earn this man RIGHTS to the product of his violation?" UGH! And I feel the same way, too, about feeling blessed for this beautiful daughter I now have. I'm in Texas, and don't know the laws are as far as a man's rights to a child of rape. Does anyone here know? My next step is filing a protective order, since he will not leave us in peace. Do the courts not see that it's wrong to reward a man who has committed a violent act parental rights? It makes me sick. Why should his rights be respected, when mine were not?

[Anna]

...my actual reason for commenting (before I went off!) was to ask why the courts don't seem concerned about the potential of sexual violation of the child, when the parent has created the child by rape?

[L..H]

I have never been raped, or had children.
But I understand your pain, My only advise to you
victims is...you need to flee the country change
your names. Go some place where your attacker,
the CPS, or the police, can't find you or your family.

L.H

[mary]

i would like to say i know how these women feel i was raped and am now pregnant i dont know if it is the rapists or my boyfriends i want to protect this baby and make sure the rapist has no rights to my baby so i wont be going to court in case he finds out i am pregnant so i am making the choice to not punish him for the sake of my unborn child i ask is this fair were are womens rights in this day and age outraged by the system lets change it

[HK]

Excellent statement, CHANGE THE SYSTEM! That is what needs to happen. It MUST be made a FEDERAL LAW that a rapist has absolutely no rights to his off-spring that was created by fear, force and violence. That he looses ALL rights and possibly will still have to pay child support. Changing the system is the only solution; it will help now and will help those in the future. I suggest everyone of you do your research find out what you need to do to change the laws/system, band together and change the system so that no other woman goes through the torment that you have had to endure and your child. Change the system. Get Dr. Phil McGraw behind this, he carries a lot of influential authority, and he dosen't put up with violent people-and winning.

[KD]

These laws that are needed are only being changed one state at a time. But it is also by one person how won't be silenced. More work needs to be done on writing to your state and bring this extremely important issue into the spot light. Start making your voices heard because you deserve it and so do your children.Go make yourselves heard.

I was raped by a man I had a child with and he tried to kill both of us muliple times and police could have cared less. I moved to somewhere they do care and have so much support from everyone even strangers that I feel like I can be a whole person again. And I am using what has happened to me to prevent and get people to come forward. It is empowering to stand up for myself and I still get alot of negative things from people who don't want to believe it but you know that somewhere deep down they are only fooling themselves. Keep your head up breathe and go foward because as mothers that is what we have to do, for ourselves and for our children and for all the women like us.